listening to alsace lorraine mp3s right now. i feel like i'm floating when i'm listening to her. makes me believe in happy endings, fairytale romance, and happy childhood. the illusion stops when i press the stop botton though.

ugh. i feel disgustingly fat. well i am but sometimes i don't feel it. i know i should lose weight, not just for aesthetic reasons but also for my health. i'm having difficulties breathing and walking and it's just not nice. yadda yadda yadda. i hate this feeling!!!!

i love porn. i don't watch porn everyday but i do once in a while. i just finished surfing at cafeflesh and that's the best site i've encountered so far. the site has really hot scenes. i especially love scene 1 of "kiss of the vampire" because of the really erotic pussy-eating part. i have no idea who the guy in the video is but how i would love to get eaten by him!

i don't believe that porn exploites women. if i'm as sexy as them, i would like to appear in a porn film but unfortunately, i am far from sexy. i think those women are enjoying what they're doing. they also get a lot of money for it. maybe SOME are indeed being exploited but i think a lot of those women chose to be porn stars.

our maid reeks! i swear! she emmits this disgustingly acrid smell even after she has just taken a bath. i have no idea how she gets to smell like that but i shiver whenever i get a wiff. it's worse when i'm eating and she's near. makes me want to vomit.

i'm an occasional bulimic. i only force myself to throw up when i feel i really need to, like awhile ago. i ate so much at a restaurant tonight that i didn't feel good. so either i spend the rest of the night feeling that way or throw up and feel better. i chose the latter. my stomach muscle would ache though. that's what usually happens when i throw up. i don't think this type of bulimia is dangerous because i've been doing this for years and i never became addicted to it. i'm not a full-blown bulimic. just a very occasional one. i know i should really lose weight so i don't have to do this again but it really hard to control my appetite. if i could, i wouldn't have to throw up in the first place.